of a guide..

i’m a person who’s passionate in doing things i love, committed when i was given a responsibility, perfectionist in every aspects and i rarely take things for granted..i find strength in doing things i love no matter how tiresome i get from the demand of such works because i gain satisfaction from a work well done and perfectly flawless – yes, i didn’t believe in flaw..*it’s in past tense mind you*

but something stroke me today..

i wasn’t feeling well these few days..i was coughing pretty badly, and i’m catching up with cold..and to complicate the condition, i received a frequent visit from ms.sleeping disorder who’s been keeping me awake when i should be sleeping..but i managed to keep up with the disorder for a couple of days but not today..

the cough was harsh and painful last night and when i was about to be able to fall asleep, the cough hit me again..or if it’s not the cough, i was awakened on my own..it’s hard to get back to sleep when you suddenly got awakened because your heartbeat was rushing and you need some time to tame the heartbeat..

i still go to class a few days ago eventhough i risked everyone else to get affected with my condition but i’d rather do things i enjoy like linguistics rather than being at home treating myself with cough syrup and plenty of water and plenty more visits to the toilet..i wanted to sort out my assignments, get confirmation from the lecturer..all those things a student would want to do..

but today i raised a white flag to the cough & cold..i stayed home getting some good rest and before boredom kills me, i started to write my essay..i got screwed up in the middle of the writing because i didn’t have enough resources to refer to and i ended up getting frustrated and urgh..i cried..blaming myself for being weak and for not being able to withstand the pain and stupid (?) for not knowing how to do it right (the essay)..suddenly everything goes wrong!

people say miracle happens and yea, it happened today..sami yusuf’s al-muallim came out from my playlist and then i realised that:

Khayru khalqillahi Muhammad

‘the best of Allah’s creation is Muhammad’..he would pray when everyone else is sleeping, fast when everyone else is not, cries when everyone else is laughing, wished for his people to be prosper in his dying bed..

thus the questions being..do i pray when everyone else is sleeping..?fast when i don’t have reasons to fast..?i laugh more than i cry, i’m sure about that..and have i been praying for all the good things for everyone..?i have not yet do all these haven’t i..?so, why do i expect life to be perfect..?who am i again..?nothing compared to the messenger am i..

thank You the most gracious & the most merciful for guiding me even when i forget to think about You


of what i missed, of what i like..

i woke up late this morning because i was having a hard time to sleep because of the cough..and since i don’t have any submission due this week, i could use some time today for some logistic business i should take care of..and since it’s easily done, i decided to go out and pick up my shoes from the repair shop *don’t ask me why i have to send them for repair* and grab something for my friend’s birthday..i went out with wawa and we were enjoying our time until i forgot that i should be attending an inaugural lecture by one of VUW’s professor, James Liu..google him, he’s number one on the list 🙂

i didn’t notice zaty’s texts and calls but probably she was so mad at me for forgetting that event that i instinctively checked my phone and immediately remembered about that event..sorry wawa i had to leave but seriously i totally forgot about that event..

anyway, i managed to catch a bus to get back to uni but i missed approximately 10 minutes of that lecture and i really regret it for forgetting about that event and for missing that part of the lecture too..because..the lecture was awesome..he talked about something that i’m so interested in..here’s the excerpt of his lecture invitation..

Towards a Psychology of Global Consciousness

Modern society was forged by Western cultures of the Enlightenment. However, the Enlightenment has run up against immovable objects in non-Western religions and cultures. We have entered into an age where no one civilization or nation is capable of dictating unilaterally to others. In his inaugural lecture Professor James Liu will draw from his award-winning research on history and identity, chart the rise of Asian and Islamic cultures as part of the fabric of global consciousness, and map out possible futures for global society.

he basically covered a lot of things from economy to psychology to cross cultural practices to history to imperialism to marxism, politics etc etc..

i’m interested in linguistics and all of the above..the question being, how could i possibly involve in those sorts of things he’s doing..?


i masked things, you know..

it will not make me sound or look weak when i say what i want to say..it will not make me appear stupid in front of anyone..

it does not erase anything we’ve ever had..it does not turn anything into something regretful..

it seems true to me changes really mean what it’s suppose to mean; that changes make things different..

i know i’m a strong, grown up and an independent person..busy at times..but i’m not insensitive or ignorant..

i see everything and i’m seeing it too that there’s depreciation in value that we share in friendship..

you hurt me, yes, you read me..

i cried, i did..

for whatever it’s worth now, all the best, dear friend..


Eid thus far..

Eid Card - Landscape BW
Image by Umm Papoose via Flickr

from the Eid, i noticed that there were just too many colours when suddenly a group of people decided to wear baju kurung..haha..that’s so Malaysian..lucky we’re Malaysian, or else we wouldn’t dare to wear it to school on the first day of Eid..

it’s still Eid and i’m enjoying the raya food still.. 🙂

selamat hari raya aidilfitri, maaf zahir & batin..


of originality..

The Goo Goo Dolls
does he look like he's kind hearted..? :p

i picked up a line from my playlist..

here goes goo-goo doll’s big machine:

i don’t need what you ain’t got

haha..i think the singer is kind hearted..don’t you think..? 🙂

owh, centuria is currently playing..here’s the song if you’d like to hear..we used to play it as a ‘warming up’ song..i miss my wind ensemble team..sobs..


help me with the numbers..

i was extracting lines from the movie Hang Tuah this afternoon and i came across this pantun..

by Tuah

perahu bertutup dengan daun,

penuh sarat berisi lokan,

kalau hidup 100 tahun,

sepanjang hayat aku nantikan.

by Melur

kedudung batang sumpitan,

batang padi aku lurutkan,

tujuh gunung sembilan lautan,

kalau tak mati aku turutkan.

apakah 9 lautan yang dimaksudkan Melur..? mungkin Head of Malay Studies boleh membantu..esok ada temujanji jam 12 tengah hari..

(Hang Tuah, 1956: Malay Films Production)


of being a responsible being..

see if you’re familiar with these types of people..

1) a person who does his/her work halfheartedly..

2) a person who expects someone else to finish his/her work..

3) a person who bosses around..

4) a person who takes advantage over someone else’s weaknesses..

5) a person who lazes around when he/she needs to be working..even worse, he/she would simply escape from doing the work..such a dodger..

so who are they..?

well, as they have been projecting such images, they are the people whose FIRST name are either lazy, irresponsible, disrespectful or dependent..

since they have been avoiding a lot of things, and have been making everyone else do their works, they can be called handicap because of their incapability of actually acting like a normal person..

the world would be a better place if everyone does not see his/her work as a burden but as a responsibility..it’s not that hard, if you’re really a human..


of a legend..seriously, is it true..?

i’ve just finished watching Hang Tuah, a classical malay film about the legendary Malacca warrior..this story or legend or ‘hikayat’ was set during the reign of the Sultanate of Malacca, where there was a single structure and meaning based on a fundamental conception in Medieval Malay culture – of loyalty towards the ruler..he was described as a ferocious fighter who devoted his life to serve for the ruler together with four other friends (sworn brothers)..the conflict of this hikayat was when hang tuah was slandered for committing adultery with the sultan’s ‘stewardess’ and the sultan sentenced him to death without any trial..his best friend, Hang Jebat thought the sultan was being irrational and therefore he ran amuk around the castle and threatened to kill the sultan as a revenge for killing his innocent brother..when Bendahara Melaka told the sultan he didnot actually kill Hang Tuah, the sultan immediately ordered the Bendahara to bring Hang Tuah to him so he could ask Him to kill the wildly amuk Hang Jebat..as a loyal laksmana, he followed the sultan’s order, fought with Hang Jebat and eventually killed a friend who’s actually revenging for him..

i should be studying the language that was being used in this story but eventually i grew emotional with this story..if this hikayat was true, it showed nothing but ‘ignorance and irrationality’ of the Malays..it’s true, that one should be loyal and faithful to the ruler but as a human, it’s nature to be able to negotiate and compromise..and why didn’t they use all that..?

true, Jebat was at fault too, because he ran amuk and killed some innocent people to show his anger towards the sultan, but he did that to mock the sultan’s irrelevant decision of killing his brother..*to me there’s no different between the ‘irrelevant’ sultan and Jebat now, they were both irrational..but Jebat was seeking for justice! and why Tuah followed the sultan who had been cruel and injusticed to him..?urgh! what’s with Malay hikayat..?couldn’t they be more clever..?if anyone is to be the hero in this legendary myth it should be Jebat for he’s the only one who’s sensible enough to fight against injustice and wise enough not to follow a stupid ruler blindly..oh! my malays..