i was waiting for a bus to go to the school i was assigned to when a father and his son walked past me..the kid’s voice was quite loud and i could hear he was describing about the cartoon he watched..the conversation pretty much sounded like this..
kid : you know when the monster crashed the plane like this *signing how the collision took place*, the plane lost control and then it spinned! *making the sound of crashing plane* and it fell! [i’m pretty sure that kid meant span, not spinned]
daddy : owh, really..?!what happened after that..?
let’s analyze this situation..from the observation, we can tell that the kid is telling a story to his father and while the kid is so busy describing and making soundtracks for his story, the father listens carefully and give responses..so the kid tells a story, and the father listens..that’s what i want to elaborate here..the listening skills..
often times parents will tell the child what to do..so every time when the child’s exam result is not satisfying to the parents, the parents will send the child to tuition centers or strictly control the child’s TV or internet time..so parents will tell “you have to go to tuition, you have to stop watching TV and no more internet time” something like that..or if the child causes any problems at school, the parents will stop the child from seeing his friends and tell their child something like “you can’t see such and such because this and that”..
and most of the times, when the child tries to say something, the parents will go “NO, you listen to me”..
first, please parents, you need to listen to your kids..sometimes it’s not their fault at all..it could be the teacher who’s teaching math to you child was absent from school for 2 or 3 weeks without any replacements so what should be taught was not taught and thus, the child couldn’t do his/her exam..it could also be, that your child was set up by some other friends you think were ‘good’ friends and his ‘bad’ friends had been helping him out all this while..
well if you can listen to your child, there’ll be plenty of space for your child to tell you all his problems voluntarily..when you know all the things surrounding your child, it’s less likely for you to get a surprise phone call from the school telling your child is failing his exam..
and when your child can voluntarily tell you his problems, it’s highly likely for an effective communication to take place..and instead of TELLING them what they should do, ASK them what they think they NEED to do..give him the authority to his own life..make he thinks for himself about the consequences if he is to choose to do A instead of B..make him carries the responsibility..
there’s follow up after guiding the child in making the decision but let’s not go that far yet, because the basic is not strongly held, yet..
i’m not yet a parent, true, but i’m learning and i’m sharing it..so please, take your time to listen..because, if children live with criticism, they learn to condemn..but if children live with kindness and consideration, they learn respect – Dorothy Law Nolte
here is the full poem