- it’s their nature, guys can love more than one person at a time..
- but it’s the girls’ nature too, that they can’t share their love..
- but in Islam, polygamy (specifically polygyny) is allowed under some circumstances..and some of the circumstances being:
- helping an old and/or poor widow who has difficulty raising her orphaned children..
- helping a new Muslim convert who’s no longer accepted by her family and needing a good guidance from another Muslim..
- helping a couple with a sterile wife to actually have children on his own, the legitimate way..
- helping the captives of war..
- helping a man with a chronically ill wife to get another wife to help manages his life, and at the same time helping the ill wife to keep a husband to care for her instead of opting for a divorce..
what i’m trying to say is, polygyny is permitted under some circumstances following an honourable intention..so if some men say –
“it’s more sinful if i commit adultery therefore i choose polygyny”
he’s just being selfish..because in most cases like the above, he’s undermining his economical state, he disregards his ability of doing justice to the older wife, he might not even think of his capability to manage the welfare of his children with the first wife..the driving forces of his decision are lust and tainted desires..
if you choose polygyny when your wife has been carrying her duties faithfully, has been trying hard to take care of the household and has been taking good care of herself for you, a polygyny would be a tormenting psychological damage to her life..
imagine how painful it gets knowing your husband is having a girlfriend and planning to get married..imagine how embarrassing it gets when you have to tell your parents your husband is planning a second marriage..and how excruciatingly painful it becomes picturing your husband sleeping with someone else..
works for the women will be very daunting because she just cannot concentrate and she is deeply saddened by what is happening to her marriage..at that state of mind, parenting to the children might also be problematic..and don’t let me start on the stress and pressures and disappointment among the kids..
there will be a lot more nights where you have to eat dinner with someone familiar missing from his permanent spot..or the nights together will be different thinking you’re now sharing what used to be exclusively and rightfully yours..his arms now are not open for you and your kids alone as someone else is also finding comfort in that arms..and he’s happily lending them to her..
**i’m crying as i type this**
how could you let someone so fragile and harmless undergoes such pain..?an honourable man will not get himself involved in such a situation where he eventually needs to say “it’s more sinful if i commit adultery therefore i choose polygyny”
and an honourable man reads this until the sentence finishes..
If you fear that you might not treat the orphans justly, then marry the women that seem good to you: two, or three, or four..if you fear that you will not be able to treat them justly, then marry (only) one, or marry from among those whom your right hands possess..this will make it more likely that you will avoid injustice (An-nisa’ 4:3)
and will also understand that no matter how hard he tries to be absolutely fair, he can never be successful..
You will not be able to treat your wives with absolute justice not even when you keenly desire to do so..(it suffices in order to follow the Law of Allah that) you incline not wholly to one, leaving the other in suspense..if you act rightly and remain God-fearing, surely Allah is All-Forgiving, All-Compassionate (An-nisa’ 4:129)
polygyny is not a stapled rule for men..it’s an option given to an honourable hearts..not a lustrous monster..not to those who use God’s name in favour of their needs..but only to those who commit polygyny because of God..we can always tell the difference from the two..