well, i need more time to adjust..

i just browsed through the archive – what i wrote in november last year..and right after reading it really i felt like last november felt like just yesterday when i can actually call it yesteryear! oh how time flies..not to mention i was still single at that time and spending quite a lot of time trying to have fencing training in karori just so i could bump into the dancers’ training there..oh, did i not tell you i used to have a crush on a crew dancer..?tell you what, he then went to vegas to compete and they won 2nd place..ah well, those days..haha

and i looked into the kind of things i wrote..i talked about some current issues with a very critical point of view, concerned about the languages i used, looked at some power issues, cultural issues, friendship and i even found passion in analyzingย  the movies i watched..and after one year, i didn’t write as good anymore..*ah, bagus ke apa yang ditulis dulu?* haha..but yea, i think i used to write well..

i lost my passion..i couldn’t see things like how i used to see them..what’s wrong with what i have now that i couldn’t show my appreciation to at least a thing or two..?

i’ve finished the three-month TE and i’m on a long holiday, i hope..i wish interviews or induction will come a bit later so i can have the time to collect the pieces of me that have been falling apart since these past few months since i got back..it’s been almost 5 months since i left wellington for good but really i wish i never had left..please i need a tight slap to wake me up..

yes, holidays..i need it..i think i need to be flying again, breathe the different air again, observe all the different things, capture them with my little toy, listen to the different languages, experience the awkward cultural clashes etc..whatever can lift up my passion again..i hate looking at things the way i’m looking at things now..

so dear self, grow up quickly please..find a different passion if you lost the old ones..there’s always a different melody to create if you can’t choose ๐Ÿ™‚


6 thoughts on “well, i need more time to adjust..

  1. i know exactly how you’re feeling right now yu!
    I’ve tried so hard not to be influenced by the people around me right now, but I guess I’ve changed in a way
    Yes, we see things differently now
    and I want the old me back!
    I think she’s smarter before ๐Ÿ˜›

    i’m scared that in the future, we will be narrow minded and unreasonable just like “them” *ok statement x sedar diri dan mtk dilempang. mtk maaf*

    1. it’s really PAINFUL when what we molded in four years crumbled in just 3 months..we didn’t want to be like “them” yet we couldn’t deny we’re not influenced..even if we’re not, we conformed to “them” at a point or another..

      we really need to use this break..we need to reflect on our practices, READ our notes as much as we can so we could refresh on a few things..sounds nerdy but i don’t want to be losing the self..and the senses..ouh~!!!

  2. perlu ke mention single masa tu? *raised eyebrow* haha… owh and yea, i am glad to give you a tight slap to wake you up.. :p don’t worry, i’ll doing with lots of love. ๐Ÿ˜€

    1. haha..i was making comparison and obviously it was one of the characters back then :p and please, be easy on me boyfriend..haha..you’ll look old being garang2 ๐Ÿ˜€ ๐Ÿ˜‰

        1. haha..i did not mention ur error ok..dia yg perasan sendiri :p you’re more aware now..good sign, good sign..haha

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