i just browsed through the archive – what i wrote in november last year..and right after reading it really i felt like last november felt like just yesterday when i can actually call it yesteryear! oh how time flies..not to mention i was still single at that time and spending quite a lot of time trying to have fencing training in karori just so i could bump into the dancers’ training there..oh, did i not tell you i used to have a crush on a crew dancer..?tell you what, he then went to vegas to compete and they won 2nd place..ah well, those days..haha
and i looked into the kind of things i wrote..i talked about some current issues with a very critical point of view, concerned about the languages i used, looked at some power issues, cultural issues, friendship and i even found passion in analyzing the movies i watched..and after one year, i didn’t write as good anymore..*ah, bagus ke apa yang ditulis dulu?* haha..but yea, i think i used to write well..
i lost my passion..i couldn’t see things like how i used to see them..what’s wrong with what i have now that i couldn’t show my appreciation to at least a thing or two..?
i’ve finished the three-month TE and i’m on a long holiday, i hope..i wish interviews or induction will come a bit later so i can have the time to collect the pieces of me that have been falling apart since these past few months since i got back..it’s been almost 5 months since i left wellington for good but really i wish i never had left..please i need a tight slap to wake me up..
yes, holidays..i need it..i think i need to be flying again, breathe the different air again, observe all the different things, capture them with my little toy, listen to the different languages, experience the awkward cultural clashes etc..whatever can lift up my passion again..i hate looking at things the way i’m looking at things now..
so dear self, grow up quickly please..find a different passion if you lost the old ones..there’s always a different melody to create if you can’t choose 🙂