of a ride..

i’ve never been a good driver due to lack of practice and i know all of my friends will be delighted to certify this..boyfriend has been the only person brave enough to get a ride with with me but trust me, i’ve been giving him a lot of heart attacks with my driving..sorry boyfriend! 😛

so that’s why i’ve always aimed for small cars for easier maneuvering – so parking and reversing wouldn’t be giving me a lot of problems..but most of the small cars i love would be too expensive or non existence 😦 let’s have a look..i’ll not talk all technical here so let’s just see them the bimbo style, ya..haha..

1) nissan pivo 1

this is pivo 1..they have pivo 2 and 3 and 3 is the ugliest..but what i love about this car..?the cabin can move 360 degree so yeah, you'd never have to reverse! how's that sound in making our driving better..?i don't mind getting the unnecessary attention from its shape, at least i don't have to embarrass myself if i have to do bay parking 🙂

2)iMove by apple..yes, apple..

yes, i read about this car a couple of years back and i went like, seriously apple, are you trying to dominate everything?but their concept car looks appealing to me - it's built with all the technological advancements possible - including everything in their gadget lines, making it highly marketable..3 persons can be seated in this compact car and despite the size, it still has a bit of a storage - rear of the vehicle..the exterior is made up of photochromic materials so yes!!! you can change the "theme" of the car..haha..how fun is that..and it's convertible too..

3) toyota corolla hatchback (yes i’m being realistic now)

alright i've to be serious now..so i've seen plenty of this car in new zealand..and i've driven it..trust me no other cars have given me that "perfect match" feeling like this car has given me..i wish they have it in malaysia 😦

so my conclusion..?we should migrate to countries where the roads are a lot safer and the car prices are much more reasonable 🙂 good night for now..drive safe to those who dream of driving in a superfast super expensive cars tonight..

p/s : i always find “you want to steer but i’m shifting gears – i’ll take it from here” as one hell of a sexy line in a song..gee~


his belated birthday wishes..

i’ve been meaning to write a birthday post for mr boyfriend but really i could not find the time for it..i’ve been keeping some drafts but they ended up in there until tonight..yes, until he asked “what do you feel like writing tonight? About handsome him?” and i went like geez go to bed now please jack 😉

so yea, before february ends its days, i think this is the right time..so this post would be cheesy *yea, you’re warned* and sentimental of course 😳

so dear si busukk,

i gave you a list of questions about our relationship on your birthday..and one of the questions was “what kind of cake would you bake for me on my birthday” and you honestly replied “chocolate cheese cake..tu je kot tau nak buat” and you really made me laugh hard because i was looking for some cheesy answers like “whatever you like, i’ll google it and i’ll make sure i’ve a spare from the bakery in case i burned the cake” or “whatever cake i bake, i’ll make sure i’ll bake it with love”..haha..sayang, you’re really not good at being cheesy!

there was this time, i dreamed you cheated on me for some other girls..and i went all dramatic pretending as if it was real and and eventually i got carried away..but when i came to my senses, i asked “kenapa lah tak pujuk girlfriend merajuk kot”..and remember what you replied..?you said “memang tak betul pun, memang tak la nak kena pujuk”..yes yes..he IS that kind of a boyfriend! haha..i think he’s even more dramatic than i am 😯

oh, during my graduation – you went out that morning after settling the car rental processes and you said you’d like to go out to buy some breakfast for us..*he’s trying to be sweet tho we can just get our breakfast from the hotel* and when he came back he surprised me with a bouquet of flowers..and found out the flowers he bought stink! haha..but he’s trying still..he asked me to spray on my perfume on them..really sayang, you did that!  😆

and we’ve been arguing so frequently on things we couldn’t find ourselves on the same page with..yes, we are totally different from each other..you’d rather go to islands when i really hate the beaches..you’d be waiting patiently to get thru air asia’s website when they’re putting up their travel promo when i really couldn’t stand the wait..and you’d be so moody in the car telling me to just go back when we couldn’t find the right way – when i was enjoying the thrill of getting lost..yes darling, we’re that much separated from being similar 🙂

but anyway, you are also that cool boyfriend, placing duit raya for me in the dashboard, wishing for me to notice the packet when i open the storage..no sayang, i couldn’t notice it if i wasn’t told! but yes, your surprises work! haha..and i am the one who couldn’t hold my surprises 😛

and no, i couldn’t do that message in a bottle with rose petals in it..i’m not that creative to imagine such things could be so sweet..i’m not even patient enough to fold papers and turn them into beautiful origami..

i can forever write about you mr handsome but let me just make it stop here..i’ve been making the readers puke by now i guess..haha..so yea, with each year i’ll love you more, yes, your best years are still ahead of you and i’ll be there for every up and down..and in between 🙂 i love you, i do..

happy belated birthday ♥ ♥ ♥

how jantan can that makes you? 😛

it started with a show i watched on tv..

nevermind what i stumbled upon in facebook..

i watched some celebrities wedding preparation on tv just now 🙂 nevermind how they do it or how much the spend on doing it, i’m wishing them a lifetime of togetherness..

really it’s amazing how nature prepares such occasions in our life..we’ll talk about only those happy and beautiful and joyful occasions ya 🙂 we really need those positive vibes around..so yea, like getting into primary school, entering university, graduating, getting married, buying your first house, marrying your kids etc the list can go on and on for forever..

but it’s wonderful how life offers a few checkpoints in our lives – whichever culture you’re growing up in, those occasions really shape the turns of your lives..those checkpoints might not necessarily be the same with everyone, but i’m pretty certain everyone has some checkpoints they’re looking forward to undergo in their lives..it’s not mysterious if you look closely, because there’s a laid down path for us to walk on..

when you walk on it and how you walk on it, that’s the mystery you’ve to unearth..so do you remember how was your first day in primary school..?or do you still remember your first dream crush coming true..? 🙂

yes yes him! i remember having a SUPER HUGE crush on him after watching pearl harbour..

this time of the year, last year..

i browsed through my facebook timeline just a few minutes back and i saw one of the juniors who happened to live in my neighbourhood in kelburn, wrote something like his adapter just blew out and i saw his location as now back in that same neighbourhood..

immediately i went like, for the last four years, around this time of the year, i wouldn’t be in malaysia as i was either on my way back to wellington or i was already there..here’s the post i made exactly at this time of the year, last year..

if i were to reflect myself on my achievements, i was more successful last year than this year..at least i had a specific goal at that point of time and i knew i didn’t have to wait for too long to achieve the goal..and i just loved the feeling of knowing “alright so when you’re done with this thing, you can proceed with the next thing”..

i really don’t want to bore you with what i’m doing currently because i’m so bored waiting myself..let’s just say, how i wish i don’t have to undergo this, and how i wish i can be walking around uni, waking up hesitating if i should take a shower or race with the sun if i could wake up before it rises and draw an airplane after exhaling against the glass window..life really was beautiful..

and i do, want to feel successful again..yes, in this different phase of life..come on mara, make it quick will you..?

That summer walk around the harbour, just a few months back..i miss that place, i miss the company too 😥

teenagers and freedom..pt II

so last time i talked about how the society should look into the issue of freedom – that there’s not only one, cliche explanation to help the teenagers live their teenage lives and survive their hormonal rages..and it’s always wiser to educate before putting a blame on them..and when they understand all the logical reasons behind what is happening to them, understand the sort of responsibilities they’re up to, ready with the psychological, physical and emotional changes they will be facing, then marriage is one of the best solutions to their explicit desires..again, this is highly culturally biased..

why i said marriage could be a good solution..?

1) marriage is another way of educating the teenagers that life is not all about enjoying pleasures without having to worry about responsibilities..so if they are already interested at one part of the commitment, they should know too they have to be ready for the other part of the commitment – being committed by law and everything that comes with it..

2) compare these situations – a child being born out of wedlock and a child being born out of a sacred marriage..even if both children are left soon after they are born, at least one of them will have a clear/legal root of ancestry and when they grow up they have the legal rights for financial support..either way, legal or not these kids will have a “unique” childhood as they’re deprived from a fatherly contact or worse, God knows..but getting things legalised in black and white is never a bad option..

3) imagine growing up not knowing your other half brothers/sisters..and eventually knowing you’re falling in love with your own flesh and blood..again, that can be avoided..

4) marriage and responsibilities show you’re not a coward..

well seriously there are plenty more reasons for them to choose marriage over adultery..but with early marriage, one should also expect plenty of other issues too because fitting in is never easy..and one of the biggest concern in having a family at such a young age, (when they are at the stage where there are plenty to achieve – education..and they have to juggle with part time jobs and household chores) can they have a quality marriage..?

this argument can forever go on like the chicken and egg argument – it’s not easy to find the best solutions..but one thing is certain – education is the best policy and if early marriage is to happen, it’s not the worst thing that could ever happen..and i’d like to suggest for weddings to be made easier for them..sometimes they jump into adultery because they simply can’t afford the cost of the wedding but they are prepared for everything else..yes, they want to take the responsibility..


of some turbulence..

i’ve been meaning to write on the continuation of the previous post but i haven’t really got the time to actually put everything down properly..and things haven’t been all rainbows and butterflies lately so 80% of my attention has been given to those more important matters..

let’s just say with time people do change and everyone will have different needs and goals in life and with that, everyone will walk on different roads..so each one of us will find exclusive and unique problems that at one point, you’d see the clutter as not having an ending..and you’d find yourself locked in that situation with no one but yourself..

i still want to find something beautiful 🙂

i’m really trying to be positive right now and with whatever might i have now, i’m gathering all the strength to be the support to those who need it..for once, i have to be strong for them..and yes, of all the times, things happen when you think things can’t get any worse..

do pray for me, ya 🙂 i will write again when writing can really distract me well..God willingly..


teenagers and freedom..here’s what i think..

i was so productive today that i managed to cook lunch for my family and get the house cleaned all before 12 noon..while i was doing the chores i sneaked to see what was on tv and i found out tv3 was airing wanita hari ini and they were discussing on the topic of having too much freedom (among the teenagers)..they showed newspaper headlines that sounded so dodgy such as “dahaga di usia muda” and “remaja berpesta bebas” *not exactly their wordings but yea, you got what i meant, yes..?*

they discussed on the reasons behind this specific issue and there were a professor *some expert in teenage psychology/parenting may be* and a founder of a rehab home..and they all emphasized on the same cliche things – parents should pay more attention to the teenagers, be their friends, bring everyone in the family closer to the religious practices etc..and there was also a victim to this phenomenon being interviewed..she was asked on things like how it started, what age did she get involved, what’s the parents’ reaction and her hopes and expectations after all those misery..

i am nobody to say that all the questions were pointless to the point that people couldn’t learn much – they’d just be enlightened about the facts they already knew..but what i’m trying to convey after this would not only suggest a few things people should be educated on, it will also shift their paradigms – how it could be different if it’s addressed differently..it’s not the only solution but it is one of the best solutions..

look at human history..

traditionally, sexual union was allowed as soon as the teenagers hit puberty..it was practiced during ancient rome, inherited up to the 11thc..even in the 17thc, girls getting married before the age of 12 was considered as normal *resources – wikipedia of course*

i wasn’t using the most reliable resources but it’s not totally unreliable anyway..it just so happened to be easily accessible so yes, i gained the data from wiki..alright wiki aside, now go find your grandmother and ask, what age did she get married to your grandfather..did it conform to the data above..?anyway, my point was – historically speaking, people involved in sexual union at a very young age..and historically too, that was the period when you used birds to exchange news..there was no accessible medium of information that could heighten their desire to be sexually active at that age..it made us wonder too, how did they know what they should do after marriage..agree..?

so if it’s not the influence of the media telling them they needed sex, did it not occur to you the answer lay in the biological make up of human beings..?

and no, i'm not suggesting the drinking age should be made lower..

both men and women have testosterone and other than everything else it does, it helps maintain sex drive among the gentlemen and plays a role in libido among women..oxytoxin in women increases social and love bonding while oestrogen helps women to be attractive to men..they might be experimenting a little as the effect of those hormones so eventually, the next thing they find out is they’re rearing a household – they have kids..

so logically, it is normal if human is to desire for sexual pleasures because our hormones are made to quench for a sexual relationship (well some of them)..

referring back to the main discussion above – wanita hari ini and the freedom issue among teenagers – it’s true too parents and religious institutions should play an important role in bringing the teenagers onto the right path, but bringing them to the right path without considering their needs could possibly mend their attitude but in a forceful way..why not address their needs at the first place..?their needs to love and be loved..

historically (again), people commit into sexual relationship at a very young age..that was without any influence from the mass media..and look at what we have now..everything from the most decent to the most disgusting acts can be accessed by a single click..do you not expect the teenagers to be wanting of the same pleasures sooner..?

my suggestion is, let them know there’s always a halal way of doing things and it’s never a bad decision if they choose marriage at an early age..they just need to be educated on how to live a married life and at the same time live their dreams as they have a long future awaiting for them..i’ll elaborate further on the advantages of getting married at an early age on the coming post so let’s just say the conclusion for this part of the post be as:

history and biology show we are capable of having sexual desires at a young age..with advancement of technology and exposures to mass media, they heighten instead of suppressing that one basic, survival need of a human..therefore, it’ll do more good than harm the teenagers if they’re allowed to get married early..

as for the questions asked to the teenager who’s been the “victim” of “freedom” why don’t they ask a more feed forward and reflexive questions such as “if you can improve how the support system works, what would you like to be done” or “what do you think could be the best way in spreading the awareness – so it could be more effective”..so they could avoid giving another trauma to the teenager who’s trying to be resilient..

to be continued..



i should learn to do things on my own..

A : i really need to borrow your lecture notes because i’m so sick i can’t go to class..please can i borrow them for a while..?

B : no you can’t..if you need it go get it yourself..(and person B goes so mad thinking person A is so selfish for asking it from her/him and for not wanting to go to the lecture..)

if person A is able to go to the lecture, he/she wouldn’t be asking for a help from person B..and person A doesn’t expect person B to be that unreasonably mad..so person A is deeply saddened – for being sick, for not getting the help and he/she’s accused as selfish..


that distant future..

the new generations just lave sharing everything are they not..?

let’s just say, life hasn’t been a bed of roses lately..both for me and my friends..and i’m glad to say that no matter how difficult the situation gets we’d still try to be there supporting each other..trust me during that time, money does not really matter but a kind visit to cheer up the situation does wonders – beyond what money can do..and we really help make things feel better just by listening to them..my dear friends, don’t give up praying for situations to get better..and be strong, ya 🙂

so i’ve seen how things work both in general and private hospitals..i’ve heard complaints from patients in both general and private hospitals..and all that i can conclude is no where is heaven but we can try to make things feel and work better..

i mean, when i’m old, not strong, not beautiful anymore and i act as if i’m a 4 year old kid – that i can’t remember what my name is and i need help to even clean myself, i’d still like to be treated well (i hope i don’t have to undergo that phase but this is saying if it were to happen)..i’d still want to given the best medication and be well taken care of..and i mean with love..

i could have kids – grown up kids by that time..i wish for them to be very successful with their own little family.. *smile*..and if they are a very good kids, they would want to take care of me and their dad..but here’s a thing..would my in laws like it..?would my grandchildren enjoy it..?

by that time the generations might be facing very different challenges and living very different lives from what we’re living now..even now a household with a single bread winner is stressing themselves up for not having enough to support the needs of the family members and thus, most of the households now have two breadwinners – both the husband and the wife need to be working..and i really think with time, there’ll be more needs and expenses that they’ll have to pay for..so if everyone is busy with their works, who can have the time to take care of the parents..?remember, they’d have their own kids that they need to monitor too..hence, having to take care of an old and sick mother would really be  a burden to the kids..

so here’s the plan..dear future husband, i’m making my stupid plan now for both of us..you can disagree, don’t worry 🙂 but i do plan for me to save enough so when the time comes i can afford to pay for my medication and a nurse at the nursing home..this plan wont make my kids as disobeying me or being disrespectful – i’m just trying to not make them have unnecessary worries..this thing has been carried out in a lot of western countries and i believe there’ll come a time this thing would be seen as normal in this country..

but as long as my parents live, i’d love to take care of them..that’s the least that i can do because i can never repay everything that they have done and sacrificed for me..and actually i don’t need any reason to take care of them..