i was so productive today that i managed to cook lunch for my family and get the house cleaned all before 12 noon..while i was doing the chores i sneaked to see what was on tv and i found out tv3 was airing wanita hari ini and they were discussing on the topic of having too much freedom (among the teenagers)..they showed newspaper headlines that sounded so dodgy such as “dahaga di usia muda” and “remaja berpesta bebas” *not exactly their wordings but yea, you got what i meant, yes..?*
they discussed on the reasons behind this specific issue and there were a professor *some expert in teenage psychology/parenting may be* and a founder of a rehab home..and they all emphasized on the same cliche things – parents should pay more attention to the teenagers, be their friends, bring everyone in the family closer to the religious practices etc..and there was also a victim to this phenomenon being interviewed..she was asked on things like how it started, what age did she get involved, what’s the parents’ reaction and her hopes and expectations after all those misery..
i am nobody to say that all the questions were pointless to the point that people couldn’t learn much – they’d just be enlightened about the facts they already knew..but what i’m trying to convey after this would not only suggest a few things people should be educated on, it will also shift their paradigms – how it could be different if it’s addressed differently..it’s not the only solution but it is one of the best solutions..
look at human history..
traditionally, sexual union was allowed as soon as the teenagers hit puberty..it was practiced during ancient rome, inherited up to the 11thc..even in the 17thc, girls getting married before the age of 12 was considered as normal *resources – wikipedia of course*
i wasn’t using the most reliable resources but it’s not totally unreliable anyway..it just so happened to be easily accessible so yes, i gained the data from wiki..alright wiki aside, now go find your grandmother and ask, what age did she get married to your grandfather..did it conform to the data above..?anyway, my point was – historically speaking, people involved in sexual union at a very young age..and historically too, that was the period when you used birds to exchange news..there was no accessible medium of information that could heighten their desire to be sexually active at that age..it made us wonder too, how did they know what they should do after marriage..agree..?
so if it’s not the influence of the media telling them they needed sex, did it not occur to you the answer lay in the biological make up of human beings..?
both men and women have testosterone and other than everything else it does, it helps maintain sex drive among the gentlemen and plays a role in libido among women..oxytoxin in women increases social and love bonding while oestrogen helps women to be attractive to men..they might be experimenting a little as the effect of those hormones so eventually, the next thing they find out is they’re rearing a household – they have kids..
so logically, it is normal if human is to desire for sexual pleasures because our hormones are made to quench for a sexual relationship (well some of them)..
referring back to the main discussion above – wanita hari ini and the freedom issue among teenagers – it’s true too parents and religious institutions should play an important role in bringing the teenagers onto the right path, but bringing them to the right path without considering their needs could possibly mend their attitude but in a forceful way..why not address their needs at the first place..?their needs to love and be loved..
historically (again), people commit into sexual relationship at a very young age..that was without any influence from the mass media..and look at what we have now..everything from the most decent to the most disgusting acts can be accessed by a single click..do you not expect the teenagers to be wanting of the same pleasures sooner..?
my suggestion is, let them know there’s always a halal way of doing things and it’s never a bad decision if they choose marriage at an early age..they just need to be educated on how to live a married life and at the same time live their dreams as they have a long future awaiting for them..i’ll elaborate further on the advantages of getting married at an early age on the coming post so let’s just say the conclusion for this part of the post be as:
history and biology show we are capable of having sexual desires at a young age..with advancement of technology and exposures to mass media, they heighten instead of suppressing that one basic, survival need of a human..therefore, it’ll do more good than harm the teenagers if they’re allowed to get married early..
as for the questions asked to the teenager who’s been the “victim” of “freedom” why don’t they ask a more feed forward and reflexive questions such as “if you can improve how the support system works, what would you like to be done” or “what do you think could be the best way in spreading the awareness – so it could be more effective”..so they could avoid giving another trauma to the teenager who’s trying to be resilient..
to be continued..