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teenagers and freedom..here’s what i think..


i was so productive today that i managed to cook lunch for my family and get the house cleaned all before 12 noon..while i was doing the chores i sneaked to see what was on tv and i found out tv3 was airing wanita hari ini and they were discussing on the topic of having too much freedom (among the teenagers)..they showed newspaper headlines that sounded so dodgy such as “dahaga di usia muda” and “remaja berpesta bebas” *not exactly their wordings but yea, you got what i meant, yes..?*

they discussed on the reasons behind this specific issue and there were a professor *some expert in teenage psychology/parenting may be* and a founder of a rehab home..and they all emphasized on the same cliche things – parents should pay more attention to the teenagers, be their friends, bring everyone in the family closer to the religious practices etc..and there was also a victim to this phenomenon being interviewed..she was asked on things like how it started, what age did she get involved, what’s the parents’ reaction and her hopes and expectations after all those misery..

i am nobody to say that all the questions were pointless to the point that people couldn’t learn much – they’d just be enlightened about the facts they already knew..but what i’m trying to convey after this would not only suggest a few things people should be educated on, it will also shift their paradigms – how it could be different if it’s addressed differently..it’s not the only solution but it is one of the best solutions..

look at human history..

traditionally, sexual union was allowed as soon as the teenagers hit puberty..it was practiced during ancient rome, inherited up to the 11thc..even in the 17thc, girls getting married before the age of 12 was considered as normal *resources – wikipedia of course*

i wasn’t using the most reliable resources but it’s not totally unreliable anyway..it just so happened to be easily accessible so yes, i gained the data from wiki..alright wiki aside, now go find your grandmother and ask, what age did she get married to your grandfather..did it conform to the data above..?anyway, my point was – historically speaking, people involved in sexual union at a very young age..and historically too, that was the period when you used birds to exchange news..there was no accessible medium of information that could heighten their desire to be sexually active at that age..it made us wonder too, how did they know what they should do after marriage..agree..?

so if it’s not the influence of the media telling them they needed sex, did it not occur to you the answer lay in the biological make up of human beings..?

and no, i'm not suggesting the drinking age should be made lower..

both men and women have testosterone and other than everything else it does, it helps maintain sex drive among the gentlemen and plays a role in libido among women..oxytoxin in women increases social and love bonding while oestrogen helps women to be attractive to men..they might be experimenting a little as the effect of those hormones so eventually, the next thing they find out is they’re rearing a household – they have kids..

so logically, it is normal if human is to desire for sexual pleasures because our hormones are made to quench for a sexual relationship (well some of them)..

referring back to the main discussion above – wanita hari ini and the freedom issue among teenagers – it’s true too parents and religious institutions should play an important role in bringing the teenagers onto the right path, but bringing them to the right path without considering their needs could possibly mend their attitude but in a forceful way..why not address their needs at the first place..?their needs to love and be loved..

historically (again), people commit into sexual relationship at a very young age..that was without any influence from the mass media..and look at what we have now..everything from the most decent to the most disgusting acts can be accessed by a single click..do you not expect the teenagers to be wanting of the same pleasures sooner..?

my suggestion is, let them know there’s always a halal way of doing things and it’s never a bad decision if they choose marriage at an early age..they just need to be educated on how to live a married life and at the same time live their dreams as they have a long future awaiting for them..i’ll elaborate further on the advantages of getting married at an early age on the coming post so let’s just say the conclusion for this part of the post be as:

history and biology show we are capable of having sexual desires at a young age..with advancement of technology and exposures to mass media, they heighten instead of suppressing that one basic, survival need of a human..therefore, it’ll do more good than harm the teenagers if they’re allowed to get married early..

as for the questions asked to the teenager who’s been the “victim” of “freedom” why don’t they ask a more feed forward and reflexive questions such as “if you can improve how the support system works, what would you like to be done” or “what do you think could be the best way in spreading the awareness – so it could be more effective”..so they could avoid giving another trauma to the teenager who’s trying to be resilient..

to be continued..

 

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6 thoughts on “teenagers and freedom..here’s what i think..

  1. I am in no way against the idea of an early marriage due to biological reasons but I do concur with one of Tun Mahathir’s deductions concerning the lack of competitiveness amongst the Malays.

    In The Malay Dilemma, Tun stated that preceding Malay practice of marrying early had resulted in low quality Malay offsprings. Because the parents were married at an early age / sometimes at a time when they could barely support themselves – let alone their kids, these children ended up being raised by their grandparents. Staying true to themselves, these grandparents often spoiled these kids with all sorts of favours. Mom and dad being young and immature, would by default lack in the parenting skills necessary to inculcate the right qualities in their children.

    I think even my grandma married early too. But still, that’s what Mahathir said and I think he got a point. 🙂

    1. there’s always consequences in everything..but imagine bringing to the world a kid without a proper nasab..i’m talking about a child being born out of wedlock..(that’s the result of the freedom i’m talking about here) and i’m planning to write about it on my next post..consider these amir:

      1) you don’t have a nasab..say the kid is a girl – who could be their wali when they’re getting married soon..?
      2) so if the kid is being raised w’out knowing who the father is – would there not be a possibility of incest..?sbb tak kenal adik beradik sendiri..
      3) so if they’re born out of wedlock (i don’t want to use the name) – which parents would accept that person as their in law..?we’re talking about being a malay amir..a conservative malay – i don’t know when this can change..
      4) knowing the parents too can help raise the child..if it’s not during their childhood, may be during their teenage life – financially i mean..law works if you know who ur biological parents are so they can arrange for them to give you some allowance – it’s their responsibility by law..

      getting married wouldn’t be a problem, as long as they’re well prepared for such responsibility..that’s why i said it’s more important to educate them, rather than mending the damage, yes..?

  2. I guess the whole point here is to avoid out-of-wedlock promiscuity. And you partly proposed early marriage as a solution.

    People want to get married early? I have no problem with that – it’s totally their personal choice – should they think there is no better way to prevent that undesirable ‘infidelity’ from happening. But to endorse early marriage to the general public is, however, one really bold step… and IMO deserve to be given a fair assessment.

    To test the merit of this idea, we shall imagine a macro-scale scenario, i.e., all Malaysians getting married at sweet 17. Would that be good or bad to the society as a whole? Sorry, but I don’t think so.

    At this stage, teenagers are experiencing the peak of their hormonal rages, making them unqualified to decide wether or not they are capable of commitment that is required of a matrimony. Regardless of what they say and look like (akin to grown-ups maybe), they still have a lot to learn about life before they may even fully know what they are up to. Any less-than-clear judgement could well result in a dreaded premature divorce. Guess who the victims would then be? Innocent children with nasab.

    As an alternative, I support your education plan. Education has always done good.

    1. haha..i really feel like reading some psychology books..you write well amir 🙂 p/s komen kau yg ni is the 1000th comment dlm blog aku..congratulations amir~!!!

      ok back to the discussion..i’m so aware it’s a bit too overwhelming if i were to encourage early marriage to the public at this instant..but if it’s still to happen, it couldn’t be the worst thing that could ever happen..

      divorce can be an issue too, of course..but what’s worse – not knowing who ur father is, or knowing..?

      but i do think too, they need to be educated that what they’re desiring are the results of their hormonal rage as you termed it..and one of my friends suggests, blaming the teenagers when they committed adultery could be seen as irresponsible because they’re not given the love and education they deserve from the very beginning – the wisdom of justification from biological, emotional, historical and sociological perspectives are not made known and understood to them..if they can understand those well, i don’t think we need to worry about early marriage..

      a good in sight from a different perspective amir 🙂 good job..

  3. uuui, panjangnya komen.

    komen saya pendek je. zaman remaja kan zaman yang mana semuanya berubah. poiunt of view pun berubah. perasaan pun berubah. tapi zaman ni penting kerana penentu berjaya atau tak seseorang tu di kemudian hari.

    sekian terima kasih

    1. sebab zaman penentu tu penting la kena elak dari buat percaturan yg salah..kan..?thank you for dropping by 🙂

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