of the story untold..

i was blown away, really..i’m crying as i write this..
you see that rainbow..?of course the one that comes out after the rain with sunshine..
yes i was talking about that rainbow..
you know, each time you see a rainbow, you should know that somebody, at least somebody would have a story to tell about their life in regards to the rainbow..
it could be something that could remind them of something they hold dearly in their life..
could be something they never want to forget..and yes me too have a story to tell when i see the rainbow..
of that earthquake that i don’t want to remember, and the image of knowing someone else’s history about it that never fails to invite envy in me..
no..
it doesn’t make distrust an issue here, i thank God i knew because knowing it helps me to understand that you’ve never failed to be such a thoughtful person..
from the songs, to what you wear, to what you believe in..
really i’ve never seen that part you..no one really gets to see it..
as an observer i really believe things could have been different if only things WERE told and let known..
question is, what was stopping you..?

of not having to pay for what you’d be learning..

i’ve been abandoning the blog, again! this is so not cool..sorry dear blog 😦

but yea, let’s just say there’s still pretty much no news from the sponsoring organization up until today eventhough several meetings had been carried out and several promises were given..just before i wrote this, i submitted two job applications just so i can really make the hardly-earned degree useful..

what’s been going on lately..?what you’ll be reading after this, should be read in a whispering tone, alright..?3, 2, 1..”i just celebrated my 25th birthday” and that morning on my birthday, a bouquet of roses was delivered at my door 🙂 something to be happy about when everything seems to be uncertain..

and oh, i just got back from bandung..been there for 3 days and everything was so overwhelming but really i don’t want to be grateful for not having to do what they need to do to survive but seriously, we’re way more fortunate than most of them..thing as simple as offering an umbrella to walk under in a rainy day could be a job to them and really their odd jobs definition have a bigger range than what we could think of..if i could say this, their life condition really have made them to be creative in inventing jobs..

and on a different note, i’m writing this from boyfriend’s laptop..thank you si moncett for ur help..and thank you too for the flowers 🙂 ohhhhh and the trip too ♥ ♥ ♥

of the long wait and time wasted..

it has been a long wait, too long it’s been damaging to my passion and motivation..if anyone is to measure my motivation rate since i completed my teaching practical until nearly four months after graduation, it can be plotted as one of the inverse graphs (i wish i’m talking about the right graphs 😛 ) all that i can say – the sponsoring organization has been taking back the hope they gave themselves a few years ago..it looks nothing different from poisoning the seed they just planted..

the real big deal with this issue is the very contract that we keep holding on to..so it is stated there that once we’ve completed our degree, we’ve to come back and teach mrsm for five years, we can’t even continue our studies before finishing the five-year service..that’s the price we have to pay for sponsoring our studies overseas which cumulatively amounted around myr 500k and thus tying our legs and hands from going away to find some other jobs..we have a huge debt to pay here but it seems like they don’t need our service, so why should we stay..?

people ask all sorts of questions upon finding us as having the luxury of enjoying free time as much as we wish..and it’s been the most annoying questions for us all – 1) “when will you be working..?” the next time they bump into us at the petrol station they ask 2) “oh, so you’re still not working yet now..?” and the next time they call on weekdays during office hours, and we pick up the phone, they ask 3) “eh, you’re at home..?tak kerja ke..?” and try to repeat the answers to 20 more people..

the next most popular question – 4) “when are you getting married, you’re not getting any younger you know..” seriously, it’s visible through your naked eyes that we’re not working yet and you expect us to be able to put up a wedding ceremony and invite you to the wedding and feast you with all the fancy food..?yes we can put up a wedding ceremony but we don’t plan to invite you because we’re short on budget for you..unless you’re planning to pay for our wedding..so if that’s not the case, don’t bother asking, thank you..

talking about wedding – if we’re not tied with mara and has already scored ourselves the oddest of jobs, we could have started to save for our future like on savings, investments, insurance, buying a car and a house, and of course put up a wedding and have an elaborate honeymoon holiday..who doesn’t want that..?but no, we were staying true to our promises and we waited..so all of the above, are still in the pending list 😦

who doesn’t want to be financially stable and ready for a new commitment or the next phase of life..?

oh, and this question 5) “oh, you’re still using that old phone, how cute!” please, i know you mean to insult..alright, it’s just unfortunate to some of us who can’t afford to catch up with the digital development but hey, we don’t ask for your money to pay our bills, yes..?please, be more respectful will you..?

but of course, there are still consequences of not being able to catch up with the technological advancements and it affects those people we communicate with and it affects the quality of the communication too..i just hope whoever has to wait for me to have it wont be troubled as much for having to spend more on me..i wish i could do something about it but i need more time for that..and i’ll just hope when the time comes i won’t be having too much things to prioritize that this has to wait..so yea, i’m sorry for this..

it has been pressuring too that now everything in the household revolves around your presence..so you’re expected to do the cleaning, fetching your sisters, buying groceries, attend a kenduri or drive around..the list could be longer..they make you wonder – these things can still be carried out if i’m not around, why should i do them now..?

dear better days, come to us quickly, please 😦