of finding a place to fit in..

have you ever feel like you need to achieve more, you need to travel more, you need to earn more, you need to posses more, you need to be more just so you can use them all to impress someone..?so they would like you for the qualities..?and you’d be happy even if it’s superficial as it seems..have you ever..?

i never felt i was ever successful





of a friend..

so i attended the undergraduate linguistics class and only then i found my passion for linguistics resurfaced and revived..how could i explain this..?let’s just say, it had to be something you’re so fond of and to me it’s sociolinguistics and so, it had to be the same kind of lecturers involved in sociolinguistics to wake me up from my cluttered mind..there’s a stereotyping involved here but it’s a stereotype for a reason and good Gosh, i mean this in a good way..i’m all in now..alhamdulillah..

well nevermind my class..i’m not trying to describe anything from the class but someone from my class just really captured my attention on her..yes it’s a her so don’t worry mr boyfriend, i’m being good still 😛

being in a linguistics class you can imagine how culturally diverse we are and not to mention how rich we are when our linguistic background are checked..there’s a student from japan, south africa, india, german, iran, china, france with some local students and there’s a girl from saudi arabia..

i got to know her and her world for obvious reason; we’re both muslims and we share plenty of the religious practices and beliefs together..i got to know her better each day and today, we had some coffee time together..she showed me some of her wedding photos and her baby and her house back in saudi and let’s just say, she’s not even middle class she’s on the upper class! *gulp*

in their culture, wedding receptions should be held in two different places, separately..she had hers in intercontinental hotel and the husband’s in one of the hotels too i couldn’t recall which one and their definition of a honeymoon was in one of the four seasons hotel & resorts..the make up artist was brought from bahrain especially for her wedding and the wedding dress was a vera wang, bought straight from the states..before i knew she’s well off, i humbly asked “why didn’t you and your husband live in one of the university’s hall, it’s cheaper..” imagining they might be renting a cold house just to save some money but upon seeing the photo of their current house, which was already a two bedroom house which they claimed to be small, i really had no idea where else i could suggest them to live..

well, i’m not trying to be speculative and all materialistic or superficial but i guess my assumption is right..they are a group of people like those i saw in milan, getting into the LV mansion, chose all the items they wanted, put them on and immediately had the sales person to put on the check out counter and just pay whatever amount they had to pay and came out from the mansion with a hand full of shopping bags just like how people came out of the groceries stores..

and out of a sudden, while she was browsing for the university’s souvenirs (she planned to go back to saudi during the winter break) she asked me the size i wore, the colors i liked and she started to put on those souvenir tees on me..well i knew by then her intention and i insisted for her not to get me anything but she insisted even more!

it’s thoughtful and sweet of her to get me a tee but really, if i can tell her without hurting her, i would like for her to know i’d still be a friend without any of those..without her having to buy or offer anything..

but really, i was beyond delighted after finding out that she purposedly asked me out for coffee just so she can bring me to the souvenir shop and get me the right tee with the right size with the right colour..she’s just so thoughtful isn’t she..?and how do i repay her now..ohhhh~


of the stolen machine..


it’s been raining and these two three days have been nothing but cold and wet where i live now..i learned that an umbrella wouldn’t be much of a help in wellington so i assumed the case would be the same here, but no, i was wrong..however broken the wind would destroy your umbrella, you’d still need one or you’ll end up arriving soaking wet into your class..

and oh, let’s just say life has been pretty challenging lately and might have been causing me a line or two wrinkles but i’m trying to stay strong and make do with whatever i have here, enjoying the companies, indulging in what i like doing and doing best, Godwillingly..linguistics have been fun and always is, i jusy miss my previous school of linguistics and applied language studies..

anyway, to dear friends, newly met or old friends of mine, i lost my phones for nearly a week now and i’m sorry if i cannot be contacted through my whatsapp..i lost the numbers and i did not have any back ups with me..so if you don’t mind, drop me an email or a facebook msg stating your phone number, ya 🙂 this is my email address dunmailme_yuyu@yahoo.com

you know, it’s just so heartbreaking seeing the charger on the table thinking “there’s no way i can find the old phone and not waste this charger” uh~ me and my stuff, we have such a strong bond..i miss it, singing soft melodies to wake me up..*drama much* 😛

and oh, i’m compiling and placing my playlist back on the laptop so i just have so much music in me right now and here’s a song i’d like to share with you..it’s the script ft will.i.am – hall of fame






being sent away..

i guess i have to wind up my blog’s time time zone..because i’m now writing this in my humble studio in leeds 🙂

the journey was long, and if you’re in europe, you rarely get to fly on low seasons so yea, i got into a full plane and i didn’t get the aisle seat..lucky my seatmates were fun to talk with and yes, i met some wonderful people again, in-flight..to singles flying solo out there, hey, there’s almost a 100% chance for you to be sitting with a stranger and why not use that opportunity to just get to know some new people..so ask for the middle seats if you want an increased potential of meeting people who might be single too..

err, nope..i’m not trying to match make anyone..

nevermind that..i’d like to thank those people sending me off the other day..it’s been a week but i do believe it’s never too late to thank anyone for their favours to you..so yea, special shoutout to boyfriend and his good friend and his sister for driving all the way from batu pahat to klia to bid goodbye to me..sobs..it was sad 😦 but like he said, it’s not goodbye, it’s “till we meet again”..and yea, Godwillingly, i’m agreeing to that..boyfriend, be good while i’m away alright..i’m missing him now..sobs..the time difference is killing me..trust me no one understands LDR better than me..*berlagak gila bunyi* 😛

and to gundam, i know now why he’s at the airport like in a blink of an eye..he speed up on his bike that he got into an accident on his way back home..ariff, it might feel good racing with speed, but there’s no strong protections but your knees and elbows when you’re on your bike..so do ride carefully next time..alright..

it’s fall now and winter is approaching..they are both the views from my studio on level 8..you see, i miss those small buildings back in NZ..such a lovely place..





wedding & earning..

i went out for dinner with yot last night when we met two of our schoolmates at the restaurant..and it so happened that one of them will be getting married by next week..so we had a longgggg dinner and we talked about a lot of stuff..from work to self to marriage etc..the sort of talks people had after not meeting for years and suddenly finding out a wedding bell would be ringing soon..it’s such a hot topic for people my age these days, seriously..haha..

so he’s working as a primary school teacher and his future wife’s working as a kindergarten teacher and yes, agree with me, they make such a cute combination yes..?trust me they are..amin is a small guy with curly hair and as funny as ever, his jokes are always sharp and punching and imagine he’s building a cute little family of his own..i bet his kid’s first language would be laughing 😀

we used to be classmates, discussed on which class to skip, or looked for a person to copy their math exercises from, took turn to sleep during religious studies, booked after a novel and teased each other for being too cheesy reading a romantic novel and pretended as if we’re not liking the story (i had a photo of you holding “cinta marissa”)..hahah those days amin! and most importantly, i made him and the rest of the guys in my class to dance to a bollywood song back when we’re 16! and yes amin was at the front line..haha..

you see being a primary school teacher, he said he’s just so tired getting to come home by 1 in the afternoon..and his future wife would also come home around the same time as he would..imagine the amount of time they can have every day and would still be very capable of living a humble life, getting themselves the basic needs they’d need, spending some for leisure – they’d still be capable of having those..

compare his life with our lives..coming home from work at night thinking we’ll earn much with the extra hours spent at the office yet wishing to have more time to be at home to get some stuff done or simply to spend time with our family..you see, working your ass off so hard sometimes pays, but most of the time, you’d need to spend more just by earning more..get what i mean..?

imagine living in a big city where the rental of your house alone constitutes like 30% of your salary..and since you think you’ve secured quite a position in the company you’re working with, you’d buy a car that further consumes another 35% of your total salary..and what’s left for your well being are around 35% which you have to generously distribute among your family, bills, your own needs and savings/insurance..and yes, with never enough resting time, never enough family time, never enough “me” time..

i’m not trying to be all negative here..true we can have around 15 days leave but what’s 15 days compared to 365 days..?not that by not going to work for 15 days you can save up like 50% of your spending on fuel monthly..no way darling, it’s not as simple as that..so yea, if you ask me, i’d rather work a humble job, or a humble business, live in a humble city, not in a super busy big city..i’d have more time for my family, more time for me to socialize with things i love like books, orchids, foods whatever i feel like doing at that instant..i wont be earning much but as little as i earn, i’d not think of spending so much just because i’m just so stressed out from work and i feel like i need to spend to de-stress..sometimes, it’s good to think, not on how much you’ve worked on, but how much you’re getting back..

so amin, i’m wishing you well, sorry i wont be able to attend, but you and your wife will have my prayer i’Allah..to be blessed with a lifetime of happiness, blessed with cute little boys and girls..all the best amin 🙂


this semester..

waiting for the sponsoring body to approve my allowance is like sitting under the ocean while waiting for the water to dry off..i mean, i’ve emailed the specific people in the specific departments asking them to process my application as soon as they can because class is starting real soon and it’s not my fault that they don’t process my application sooner..but nevermind, they’d still make me wait! *sigh~*

so as with my university’s registration and enrollment, i’ve completed some processes so by the time i arrive, which will be after the orientation week, i’ll just proceed with the other half of the procedures..i hope it wouldn’t be much of a chaotic start because i might need a lot of time to get to know that new place too as i’ll be on my own, alone..

and i’ve got my schedule sorted out yesterday and say YAYYYY to all of the linguistics courses that i have to do~!! *cry a river* T_T with one optional module (which is not optional at all since we have to do it anyway), i have 5 courses to do this semester..back in the undergraduate years, i’ve taken a maximum of four classes in a semester, one being a teaching experience..but this time around, i’ll be taking 5, with 3 of the courses being the major branches in linguistics – phonetics & phonology, sociolinguistics and YES the ever famous and hated SYNTAX! i wish Jo can do this course for me..sobs..

so i talked with Jack last night, whining to him why should they make me do everything at one shot..telling him that it’s almost impossible to pass both syntax and phonetics & phonology at the same time – they even put a notice down the list that a student must pass at least one of the two..as if most of the students usually failed both! of course i’m freaking out!

and he kindly said “because they know this time around you’d have me to support you..i’d make you a cup of drinks when you’re studying for your exam” hahah..you see, i’m laughing while writing this..he’s being such sweetheart, yes..?aww~ ♥

and here’s the courses i’m taking this semester..those numbered (1)

i’m not sure if i chose to do double MA when applying but it seems now i’m doing both linguistics & language teaching..would i have a double MA..?

of getting some cheap tickets..

i had to go to MARA yesterday to complete the incomplete agreements and submit them, again..and i found out that i didn’t need visa approval to submit the documents like what they told me..i knew, how frustrating and inefficient they were..

and now i have to delay my flight because they’re needing one week to issue the travellers’ cheque..and i’m gonna miss the orientation week  and will have a chaotic start as i have very little time to settle down and introduce myself to that new city..how fun! urgh!

but anyway, since i was already in KL and boyfriend was looking forward to visit the MATTA fair and was quite persistent in getting me to go with him, so i gave that fair a visit 🙂

the fair was huge, and you could find numerous agencies promoting their fares to their customers and it’s only a matter of deciding where you want to land your feet on..and of course, how much money you’re willing to spend..so i browsed through some of the booths and checked out some flight rates with the agents while checking the online rates on the specific airlines websites to have a good comparison of what each method could offer and i was not surprised with the results i’ve got..

if you’re looking for a travel package, where you’ll have tour guides, have a good idea to the places you’ll  be visiting and not looking forward to any troubles, then the MATTA fair is good for you..and yes, it’s good for you too if you’re looking for some domestic travel promotions, like cheaper theme park tickets, a list of affordable homestay packages, boat rides, rumah panjang experience, cruise packages and some other offers i didn’t get to look closely at..

but if you’re looking for some tickets, just tickets, you better do it on your own you just need to know your destinations, the airlines you can use and some online ticket finders to help you get the best deals..my experiences with travel agencies were good, until i approached the agents in MATTA fair and maybe, you just can’t get good prices from travel agencies here in malaysia..may be not yet..





of my language..

so i was contemplating on my language use in this blog, on how i was determined each time before writing a new post – that i will write it in malay..but each time, without fail, i would fail T_T it’s just so hard! really i think the grammar could go wrong, the flow of the sentence would sound fake and i might even use both malay and english without realising it, which, kind of beating the purpose of wanting to produce a 100% malay post..you see, i’m not confident to write in my own mother tongue! i sounded so much like a renegade now didn’t i..? 😦

i noticed this “inevitable” language interruption when i was attending the ptd assessment center the other day, where everyone struggled to utter a sentence with 100% malay words in it..we had to discuss in malay, and some words existed as if it’s a malay word by nature..alright let me show you some examples..

1) …business dapat berkembang dengan lebih pesat

would you replace “business” with “perniagaan” in your daily conversation..?

2) …mereka berazam untuk memberikan service terbaik kepada customer

would you replace “service” with “perkhidmatan” and “customer” with “pelanggan”..?

3) …so bila sales dapat ditingkatkan, sure company tersebut mampu membayar gaji pekerja mereka

do you say “jadi” instead of “so”..?or “jualan” and not “sales” and “syarikat” instead of “company”..?

i picked up several more examples but that’s not the point here..my point was, it’s not just me who can’t stop the english words from blending-in in our sentences, it’s the majority of us..and where do you think these changes will take our very own language to..?and most importantly, when the changes already took place, would we notice what we have lost..?would we even realise that the previous language we used to speak was no longer the language we now speak..?well changes are good, but how far is it good to the growth of its purity..?


where should i head now..?


Finally the long anticipated visa has arrived earlier today and i’m now permitted to be in the UK until somewhere in 2014..so it gets me into thinking, should i work there for a year after completing my MA..?well the sole motivation for anyone to be working abroad is definitely for the pay they are offering and for some others, it could be because of the flexibility of the working hours – so they won’t end up overworking themselves but remain underpaid..

the visa collected..yes collected..they just can’t make their way to my place when they actually passed my house before reaching masjid tanah..and i had to wait for four days because of the public holiday and the weekend..ah well~

as for me, i’ve never really worked..i went for several teaching trainings and experienced myself how it felt like working as a teacher..preparing the materials, arranging the schedules, make time for extra curricular activities etc but i never felt the sense of belonging to any particular job..and from my previous experiences, i’ve never really liked what i did..i enjoyed working with the students but i didn’t find satisfaction in what i have been teaching them..like “no, i didn’t plan to be teaching what i’m teaching now for like forever..though i’ll move up the career ladder, i’d still be in the same system..would i like to spend my every day resenting what i have to do..?”

and i dare to imagine myself staying in the UK for a year or two, to work there after my MA, when i’m not certain myself with the kind of things i’d like to be doing..now..?later..?i don’t know, really..

and since i have been doing nothing for almost a year now (i have to reject the posting offer because of the study offer) so yea, i have quite a lot of time to spend on trying my luck in some other field of works..so on one fine day, i sit for that diplomatic officer’s test and i miraculously passed that test so i have to go to the second stage of the test..

i was numbered 120 and the last person to arrive was numbered 129..we’re kinda one of the last to arrive but i didn’t regret insisting boyfriend and lea to have some breakfast before registering..and i know they’re grateful for that too 😛

and after the test, i’m still not quite certain with the options i have..would i like being a diplomat..?*not that i’m certain i’ll be chosen to go to the next stage* but it’s perfectly fine to think of the possibilities now..if i’m successful and i’m chosen, would i like to do it..?and so what will happen to my linguistics major..?they’re just too invaluable to be forgotten and left unpractised..i get all hyped up when some of my juniors from school of applied linguistics come to me to asking about linguistics stuff and i would look back into my old books just so i can help them and recall what i have learned back then and exchange some linguistics stuff with them..i’m just soooo passionate about linguistics..can i do that as a diplomat..? T_T

to be honest, i think i’m just not ready to work yet..and i keep telling myself i’m a better learner than a worker and really, that way, i can’t feed my family (ehem yes i’m thinking about having a family now, soon, i’Allah) 😀 but yea, i can’t pay the bills and of course i can’t be selfish by leaving it all up to the breadwinner of the family..what’s the point of having a family if i can’t contribute to the wellbeing of it..?and whyyyyyy am i still so scared to work..?why am i still indecisive..? T_T

seriously who am i now is really not what i planned..i wanted to be a doctor and suddenly i passed the MARA interview for NZ bound degree in TESOL..i thought i wanted to become a teacher and suddenly i passed the SPA’s test to become a diplomat..i am so leaving this to God and do what i need to do at the mean time..

p/s what do you think i should become..?