of the dowry..


a friend of mine went to a pre-wedding course and that night, she posted something on facebook that got me into thinking..she said the ustaz equated the dowry that the groom gave to the bride, to just some cash to buy a used car..well logically in malaysia, with myr 15k, you can only afford a used car and there’s no way for you to get a new car with that amount..and as a used car, in 2 or 3 years, or less than that, it could easily break down and you’d think of selling it back to the used cars dealers..

but yea, with that myr 15k, anyway, the groom actually rewards himself with a wife, with a lifetime guarantee..someone he could use for his sexual needs, for his egoistic natures like “washing clothes are girls’ job, hanging the clothes too..ironing, cooking, making the bed, cleaning the house, bearing pregnancy, raising the kids, checking the groceries etc..” and the list can never end, just look at the amount of jobs your mother are doing..

my point is, if any one of the future groom out there complains that the dowry is too expensive, look at the value of the dowry if you’re to convert it into any one of the consumers’ goods (gadgets may be)..and most of the goods you can purchase with that exact same value could only last for one or two years, but hey, you’re landing yourself a wife here man, for your lifetime..could any of your goods lasts that long..?well true, women would wear out too after one or two years..the assets would start to sag, the beauty would fade, the shape would look so wrong..but dude, you make her into that dude, it’s your bare hands, it’s your weight, it’s your baby she gives birth to, it’s all the chores you choose NOT to do because “i am the man, those are NOT my jobs..”

i’m sorry i’m being a bit radical and harsh here but i want to get my point through..some men would go like “i have given you such and such dowries and i’ve spent so much on you so now, you do as what i say, i am the boss, you can never oppose to what i say..” really, did you just equate your wedding to a commodity..?something that you can USE..?how much did you think you just paid..?should those be enough to every single thing she does for you..?

what did you do in return for her..?oh, please her sexually, and financially..oh, is that all..?have you ever wondered how much sex a woman would need..?or how much money would she need..?not much gentleman..scientifically they need emotional support more than everything else..and money or sexual pursuits can never pay for those..and she can never ask so much of emotional supports from you because she’s super busy with her works, with her sexual duties to you, with her parental roles to your children, with her womenhood roles in the households..she’s never paid just, gentlemen..

i sound like the groom has little to no responsibilities here, yes..?i purposefully do that..it’s a challenge to take up gentlemen..and see where you put yourself when you reach that stage soon..

i just don’t get it..men a born superior to women biologically..but why in a marriage, women look like they’re the anchors of the family..?she gives everything to the family and devote her lifetime for a 24-hour service, yet if the husband cheats on her, she’ll still take the blame for not being able to take care of the husband..for not being able to take care of herself to please her husband..and most of the time, she has to feel insecure with whatever changes happening to her body, worrying the husband might find a substitute for her..how unfair..

dear young gentlemen, before committing yourself to a marriage, think about it through and through – would you be able to give justice to your marriage..?to your wife..?

to me personally, wedding is itself a cultural product..if it’s in islam, a dowry is not compulsory..but in the malay culture, a dowry would be used to pay for the cost of the receptions – usually..but to those who are well off, the dowry is a gift, the reception’s cost is born as a separate cost..either way, by practising this custom, it kind of give ways to the men to believe that they’ve PURCHASED the women and they could do whatever they wish to them..it’s a simplistic point of view here, but yes, some men think of it this way..how embarrassing..

please gentlemen, prove me i’m wrong..it’s more than being appreciative and responsible..it’s about being a man, gather some balls for that can you..?

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2 thoughts on “of the dowry..

  1. I don’t see giving the dowry as a fee or purchase price, it’s simply a gift from the husband to the wife… And there is no such thing like “washing clothes are girls’ job, hanging the clothes too..ironing, cooking, making the bed, cleaning the house, bearing pregnancy, raising the kids, checking the groceries etc..” well maybe a husband can’t bear pregnancy but he can still support and do the rest of those chores together, if not alone…

    If its the purchase price, I will be forever saving up to get married because I know it’s worth a lot more than that.. 🙂

    1. i could be the luckiest girl on earth hearing those coming from you 🙂 well thank you, you’re being thoughtful and kind..i sure hope you keep your words 😛

      the concern here is, the majority of the target group (malay specifically) they’re too proud with their status in the family, with their biological make up and with their social status in the society..as if doing the chores together with the wife would bring down all the statuses they have..how shallow is that..they don’t even understand the very concept of shared-responsibility in a family institution..kesian wife derg teraniaya..*sigh~*

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