of that separation..

that sudden and unplan visit to hometown i just had, i’m grateful for that..because it bought me some extra time to be around with the people i love..God knows i need that, beyond what i think i know..

i arrived this afternoon feeling sick from the long air travel..feeling homesick and sad as i had to leave those people i love behind..i never thought it could be this difficult and airport goodbyes have never been this hard..

as i entered the room, the hallway was filled with flyers..i used to curse on those flyers because they’d occupy the space in the dustbin..i even felt like putting up a notice on my door saying that i don’t welcome any flyers..but i collected those flyers today, not feeling angry towards the people who left them..because jack once told me that they’re doing their job..the more they could give away, the more they’ll earn..at least they don’t steal..taking the flyers is a form of help we could offer..so yes, i helped them today..

i walked in, and i saw that two pair of shoes of his..only no one can fit into them like he could..his big jeans, that ugly white belt, and his savior cap which he used to cover up in snow and rain..those thing will occupy the shelf, until the owner uses them back..they can wait..

there’s his perfume and aftershave on my bookshelf..i purposefully asked him to leave those here and let him took the perfume i gave..so i can smell him near me whenever i miss him..

those jackets and tees inside the wardrobe, i’ll put them on some time..when i miss seeing him walking around in those jumper..especially that stripe jumper..he always used that jumper to pray..he left his favourite tees too..but i’ll not wear those..i can’t bear seeing how loose the tees are on me, compared to being comfortably fitting if he wears it..

there are some chocolate rolls in the fridge..i guess he forgot to finish it..he knew i don’t like those chocolate rolls..and there’s this mint-chocolate-chip ice cream tub..he finished it all by himself..thinking i’d waste it if he can’t finish it..

now the tv is off, no one is watching friends while playing some kiddo games on the ipad..no one occupies the couch like he did..and no one is here to join me and my duvets for movie nights..no one is buying snacks anymore..

i have been crying and i’m letting myself to cry..i will stop, i know i will..i’m building a strong belief that this is never a goodbye, this is just a longer ‘soon’ in i’ll see you soon..you do take good care there, alright..

dear jack, you know i miss you..terribly..*cry*

4 thoughts on “of that separation..

  1. hang in there girlfriend… inshalla i’ll be there soon.. dont stop believing, have faith! 🙂
    i miss you too, u know i do..

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