of a melody..

i’ve been listening to this song for quite a while now..even before they officially produce their music video..i pretty like the song when i first heard of it, and when the music video comes out, i like the song even more! πŸ˜€ it’s pretty easy to expect the theme and direction of the new age music videos – for example britney’s criminal..i guess now “innocence” is the new “sexual” πŸ˜› enjoy this..from its story, to its melody and to all of the different places..minus the acting i might say but not too bad, don’t worry..



of being around..

now it seems like every time i’m writing a new post, it’ll be a while since i last wrote anything here..not that i’m experiencing a writer’s block, i just feel like what i have in mind is not worth writing it down..

hey yuyu,

it’s still very early in the morning, why so negative..?alright, let’s flip the leaves and turn into a new beginning πŸ™‚

oh, some friends’ hands were asked in marriage in the past few weeks and some of them just tied their knots..i’m very happy for you and i’m wishing you guys, a lifetime of togetherness..thank you for the invitations and really every ceremony is beautiful in its own way πŸ™‚

and just last week my friends came down to Melaka for a short trip and i was invited to join them so i was more than happy to join and be their tour guide..well actually i was not interested to try all the attractions that were made available here – i’m a native, i would be here for forever so why bother..?*sombong la senang cerita πŸ˜› *

but trust me it’s so much fun! πŸ˜€ i never thought the boat ride would give us plenty of beautiful shots..i wont spoil the surprise if you plan to visit, but trust me you can never see that number of murals anywhere else in Malaysia πŸ˜‰ but currently it’s the school holiday season so the town was jam-packed at every hour! 😯 so careful when you drive around..to the girls, thank you for coming πŸ™‚

the tourist pose..

familiar with the word “dignity”?

about two weeks ago, i over heard a student when he was asking his teacher for an english translation for the malay words “anak dara” and he asked if “virgin daughter”could be an answer he was looking for..and yes, the teacher laughed his head off..well i laughed too πŸ™‚

true, in our culture (the malay culture) “anak dara” can directly be translated as a virgin and unmarried daughter..a maiden..and true too, in our culture, if one is to refer to their unmarried daughter, they can address their daughter as “anak dara” – with an implying connotation that their daughter has never had any sexual intercourse out of wedlock – that their daughter is pure and innocent – and therefore she carries with her, her dignity..which can’t really explain exactly the malay word “maruah”..

yes, that means, if the daughter loses her virginity before she gets married, she’s no longer “anak dara” and therefore she loses her “maruah” too..

sad, why should they place “dignity” on a person’s virginity..?what if she loses her virginity because she used to be a rape victim..what if she loses her virginity because of the sports she has been doing..?

and they call themselves as valuing dignity by judging someone’s dignity over something so private as private as virginity..?really, do you need to know if a girl is still a virgin..?and what do you do exactly after “allegedly” knowing her virginity status..?

people make mistakes and at some point of their lives, they might have taken a wrong turn and it costs them their virginity..and some people are unfortunate that their virginity is taken from them forcefully..

but it’s NEVER up to us to judge and measure anyone’s dignity based on what they have or what they have lost..and really, it’s even sad that the mentality can never change..really people should see there are more to dignity than virginity – attitude – but do they pay attention to this..?least likely..sad, tell me about it..

not that i’m de-valuing virginity..i just think dignity shouldn’t be measured on virginity alone..or the majority of the proportion that makes up dignity should not be virginity..it’s bias even when comparison is to be made to the opposite gender..

i’m just saying..


my version of monsoon history..

i’ve been catching up with cold quite so badly and boyfriend has been telling me to take some lemsips..ya right, guilty much boyfriend..?haha..i’ve no one to blame but you with this running nose..grrrr~ 😑

but nah~that’s not about it..i went out earlier during the day to buy some cat food and since it’s almost tea time, i bought some banana fritters at the roadside stalls..the rain just stopped at that time so i thought some hot banana fritters would allow you to really indulge with the after-rain effects..and it worked!

i came home when mom already made some warm tea..unlike the famous monsoon history, she had hot milo while reading her novel, i replaced milo with tea and chucked away books while maintaining the monsoon..really it felt like home..something that i’ve been missing for too long..and yea, warm tea helped ease the cold πŸ™‚

it’s been a while since the monsoon started..but only now i got to appreciate it better..really, the nature never failed to show you the love it had..i imagined it would be better with people i love around πŸ™‚


allow me, i’m making excuses..

you know why i think i need more time to adjust..?*yes, i’m making excuses for myself* haha πŸ˜€

i came back in mid june, then i had to prepare myself for the coming T.E – went to HQ several times for a meeting, had to arrange several things for T.E – accommodation, food, transportation, allowance etc..

my application for honours was turned down..

i had a really bad experience with my TE..not that i didn’t learn anything good from it but the bad ones were too dominant..

oh, i came back for my best friend’s engagement too..and guess what, she’s happily preparing for her big day now..and i’m very happy for her πŸ™‚ – can i not get affected by this too..?trust me i tried hard but i can’t..not that it’s a bad thing, but with good things they make me think harder! *pengsan* – like the cost, the preparations, meeting the parents etc..banyak rupanya nak kena fikir.. T_T

and now that i’ve completed my T.E, i have to think about what should i be doing now, at least until i get posted, which i’m not sure when either..according to the seniors, they had their posting around mid and end of february but our director has been telling us we’d have our posting sooner than that..

i was thinking of finding a job, just to have some extra pocket money for things i’d like to buy for myself..but who’d land me a job if i were to take a 10-day break in mid december..?and i’ve a plan of having a short vacation too..

and i’ve to enroll for masters before january..

and a lot more happening in between..trust me, A LOT!

can i say there are just too much to process in 5 months..?indeed! someone please teach me how to survive on my own..i’m SO not used to having to work my ass off to support myself..and reality, please be kind to me 😦


well, i need more time to adjust..

i just browsed through the archive – what i wrote in november last year..and right after reading it really i felt like last november felt like just yesterday when i can actually call it yesteryear! oh how time flies..not to mention i was still single at that time and spending quite a lot of time trying to have fencing training in karori just so i could bump into the dancers’ training there..oh, did i not tell you i used to have a crush on a crew dancer..?tell you what, he then went to vegas to compete and they won 2nd place..ah well, those days..haha

and i looked into the kind of things i wrote..i talked about some current issues with a very critical point of view, concerned about the languages i used, looked at some power issues, cultural issues, friendship and i even found passion in analyzingΒ  the movies i watched..and after one year, i didn’t write as good anymore..*ah, bagus ke apa yang ditulis dulu?* haha..but yea, i think i used to write well..

i lost my passion..i couldn’t see things like how i used to see them..what’s wrong with what i have now that i couldn’t show my appreciation to at least a thing or two..?

i’ve finished the three-month TE and i’m on a long holiday, i hope..i wish interviews or induction will come a bit later so i can have the time to collect the pieces of me that have been falling apart since these past few months since i got back..it’s been almost 5 months since i left wellington for good but really i wish i never had left..please i need a tight slap to wake me up..

yes, holidays..i need it..i think i need to be flying again, breathe the different air again, observe all the different things, capture them with my little toy, listen to the different languages, experience the awkward cultural clashes etc..whatever can lift up my passion again..i hate looking at things the way i’m looking at things now..

so dear self, grow up quickly please..find a different passion if you lost the old ones..there’s always a different melody to create if you can’t choose πŸ™‚