Which is it, of the favours of your Lord, that you deny..?

kata orang tua, berat sama dipikul, ringan sama dijinjing..mungkin indah maksud yang disiratkan orang tua kita, orang timur yang banyak santunnya..mereka usulkan keadilan..supaya kita sama nikmati hasil yang kita tuai..kalau sesuap, sesuap lah..kalau sedulang, sedulanglah..

banyak simpati mereka tercurah dalam kata-kata mereka..barang yang berat, besar mana pun badan si pemikul, pasti sakit bahu yang memikul..tapi kalau dikongsi, pasti kurang kesannya..mungkin ada nikmat yang menggembirakan bila ia usai..

bila si tukang pikul punyai kudrat perempuan kerana dia perempuan, dia perlukan bahu-bahu gagah..bukan untuk diambil alih, tapi cuma untuk ringankan beban..dia masih mahu selesaikan tanggungjawabnya..ya, mungkin dia perlukan bantuan dari lelaki yang dari loh mahfuznya dicipta Pencipta untuk mampu memikul..jantung yang lebih berupaya serta tulang yang lebih kuat..kamu sebaik-baik kejadian, yakinlah dengan Penciptamu..

jangan ragui kemampuanmu..dari setiap incimu adam, Tuhan jadikan kamu lebih mampu, itu sangat pasti..

فَبِأَىِّ ءَالَآءِ رَبِّكُمَا تُكَذِّبَانِ


when you have to choose..

a few weeks ago, i was in the middle of a conflicting dilemma – i was enrolled into both Linguistics & English Language Teaching courses for my MA..when initially, i just wanted to do Linguistics and concentrate on Sociolinguistics..let’s just say, i couldn’t really choose what i liked to do especially when the study period was restricted to only two semesters..so to my disappointment, i couldn’t do Sociolinguistics either – that if i insisted on doing, i won’t have enough day time and night time to fulfill all of the course requirements..

i was about to sign the form to change the course..so instead of doing both Linguistics & ELT, i’d just do Linguistics hence i would have enough time to take up Sociolinguistics..and bid adieu to ELT..but my gut sort of like told me “wait up there young lady..take the form home and think about it AGAIN”..

so i observed the Sociolinguistics class, attended the ELT class at the same time and while walking to the med school this morning, (yes for some technical reasons i had my class at the med school) i kinda made up my mind..that taking ELT would really benefit me in the long run..

what i learned from ELT would be beneficial for me not only as a language teacher but also as a parent..i mean with ELT you’d learn the different phases of learning-sensitive periods, the kind of needs a child would need to develop language learning skills, the psychological aspects of learning and how to be a better teacher which in turn, would help you be a better parent..well, you’d learn A LOT more!

for example, if your child is born with a brain damage, that the left side of the brain (which functions to aid language learning) is less likely to function like a normal brain, could they still learn language..?would they be able to listen/talk/understand you..?or if your child is a genius, what are the sort of resources could be given to further develop that ability..or things as simple as knowing when to talk about sex, alcohol and world economics with your child..

so yea, it’s a huge loss if i drop this course..so now i’m on a solid ground, believing the decision i made for taking both Linguistics & ELT and having to drop Sociolinguistics really is not as bad as i think..i’ve been attending the lectures and most of the lectures are just like revisions to me..so Godwillingly, this would be the best decision arranged for me..

so to my future kids, i could say that you’re part of the reasons why i take up this course 🙂



of the sales person..

I had a four-hour gap between classes this afternoon so i decided to go home to have some lunch and looked through the reading and the essays that i have to do tonight..while i was turning on the computer somebody knocked on my door..so i opened the door..i saw a young white man holding a big bag filled with clothes and stuff, looked sloppy to my eyes, with a green shabby cap..he didn’t have the two lower-front teeth 😦

he : hey hi..how are you..
me : hi i’m good thanks..
he : hey would you like to buy some sports clothing here..?i have some nike t-shirts, gloves, etc etc..*while trying to show some of the things he brought with him*
me : oh, i’m sorry but i don’t think i’m needing those..*putting on my sorry face*
he : oh don’t worry about that..not everyone will need all these..it can’t fit everyone anyway..it’s alright, thank you for your time then..have a good evening..cheers! *he packed up and knocked on my neighbour’s door*

i don’t know if it’s his “unwell” appearance or his politeness that made me die a little upon refusing to buy the goods he’s selling..there were three blocks here at my place and as i was going out to the next class, i saw him walking into the other block to sell his stuff..

he actually knocked on each door on all 27 levels and on each building there were at least 130 rooms..imagine he knocked on all 390 rooms..even after 119 rooms before he came on my door, *i am 120* he could still be polite to his potential customer..he ought to have a very strong motivation for doing what he’s doing..or else he might have looked rude/tired after 3 or 4 floors..

he’s polite to me in a sense that, he didn’t make me feel guilty for not buying his goods..in fact, he convinced me that it’s totally fine for me to reject his offers by saying something as convincing as “it can’t fit everyone anyway”..

dear that guy who’s selling the clothes, i pray you’d be able to sell all of your stuff and i wish you well..whatever your motivation was, i wish you all the best..


of being critical..

this week has been dramatically hectic and tiring..readings are getting longer and harder, exercises are piling up and now assignments are knocking on the door too..the longest sleep i have this week is for 5 hours and a half and migrane is paying a visit more constantly now..

nevermind that, students get that, a lot..

have you ever met someone who’s so passionate about what they’re doing..?and you learn from them that no matter how hard things get, there’s no way you should quit doing what you’re stuck with and they really inspire you..?

my lecturer gave me one of the most critical texts in linguistics from my day – 1 at school because based on her experience, if she delayed getting on the critical part of the course, students will need more time to cope with the course requirements and that will ruin the year’s planner and results..so she gave us that rocket science reading and on our first tutorial, we went like “well are you sure you’re teaching linguistics and not some science subjects..?” well apparently, and unfortunately, yes she was the right lecturer for us..

so currently we are working on a critical assignment and with critical assignment, we’re expected to question everything with why and how..and FIND all the answers to the whys and hows..the readings can be crazily critical and by critical i mean, they may want to say the whiteboard is automatic but they went all around telling where they first find a white paint and who created the electronic devices to make it automatic and some factory refused for it to be just automatic that it has to be digitalized too..*wow, i’m just soo good in giving analogies am i..?* LOL alright you can kill me for that..but that’s what they do – they are trained NOT to tell it straight on the first sentence..and for you to be a successful linguist, you MUST be able to do this..saying about something without explicitly mentioning what you intend to say..how FUN!

so most of us are on the verge of giving up..trying our best to ask her to give us something easier for the head to comprehend..but instead of giving us the soup for lunch, she gives us seeds to plant so we can make lunch out of the veges..got what i mean..?she didn’t even give us the veges to cook, she wants us to plant our veges first! T_T for us to be a linguist we can’t skip all these heavy readings and if we don’t do it now, we’d do it at some point later on..she totally removes us from our comfort zone and really gets our brain into some extra shift of works..

she’s pushing us onto the level that will make us suffer to reach but ideally, that’s where we should be anyway..she does not make it easy for us but she’s there as our backbone making sure we’d not give up and not only do this for the sake of the assignment or passing this course to get an MA..but she’s there to make sure we push ourselves enough to be the best we can be..

she is sooooo criticalized by her works but she’s such a genius and her enthusiasm always amazes us..i wonder how a person could have so much passion built in them..


of learning your first language..

who says magic doesn’t exist..?

do you know that scientifically speaking, you don’t learn language..?you are actually born with some genius cognitive mechanisms that allow you to speak! just like having eyes to see, having nose to breathe and having ears to listen..

language acquisition might not be as automatic as seeing, breathing or listening, but it has to be developed just like walking or running with your feet and eating with your hand..

of course you’ll need input..as in what language to speak and some basic vocab to start your learning but research shows that we learn very limited vocab and language rules, but eventually we will develop the ways to speak the language and poof! we have the adult grammar already..

well here’s a proof to support the notion that a native language acquisition is innate; it’s built in our biology and not so much learned from the society..

the child is cute isn’t she..? haha..to all friends who are now a mother/father, good luck teaching your kids the language..

that was quoted from one of my lecture notes by my lecturer, melinda whong..so the example above shows that, no matter how much input a child gets, she’ll learn what needs to be learn when the time comes..when the mechanism in the brain lets her..

i think what most parents do are just teaching the kids to speak, and not teaching the LANGUAGE..so in teaching kids to speak, parents won’t feed the children with every vocab in the language and bombard them with the grammar rules of that particular language..however, despite the limited input, the kids manage to develop a perfect language skills, yes..?and hence, language learning is innate..it’s already built in there, somewhere behind your head..

but what concerns me now is, when exactly do kids make sense of their language..as in understanding perfectly what they are referring to when they say something like “i want that blue shoes because that reminds me of daddy”..when exactly they understand the concept of “thought”..and how did they acquire that..understanding the meaning of their utterances and make language as part of their “thinking” process..

so yea, i’ll need a baby for my PhD research..i’Allah..

p/s see, magic exist! 🙂


of being a user..

using has always been the easiest part..everything is made or prepared for you, so all you need to do is to use..

you bought a car, so you drive..

there’s food, you eat..

there’s a wardrobe, you put your clothes in it..

there’s a clothes, you wear it..

you’re sick, so you buy some medicine..

you see, driving a car has never been as hard as making a car..imagine the process of gathering the materials, setting up the electronics and checking on their security features..the same goes to the process of making a wardrobe – from designing to manufacturing..never as easy as just letting it sits in your room to store all of your clothes..and imagine the rest of the other processes in producing all of the above..it’s way easier to just consume, yes..?

the same goes with language..you’re born and suddenly you use the same language that your parents use..well in this case, everyone of us is a user..but not knowing who make the languages for us, does not mean we don’t have to know how languages are created..and that’s what i’m doing now..unpacking the history, of how languages are learned and created in the brain..





of the dowry..

a friend of mine went to a pre-wedding course and that night, she posted something on facebook that got me into thinking..she said the ustaz equated the dowry that the groom gave to the bride, to just some cash to buy a used car..well logically in malaysia, with myr 15k, you can only afford a used car and there’s no way for you to get a new car with that amount..and as a used car, in 2 or 3 years, or less than that, it could easily break down and you’d think of selling it back to the used cars dealers..

but yea, with that myr 15k, anyway, the groom actually rewards himself with a wife, with a lifetime guarantee..someone he could use for his sexual needs, for his egoistic natures like “washing clothes are girls’ job, hanging the clothes too..ironing, cooking, making the bed, cleaning the house, bearing pregnancy, raising the kids, checking the groceries etc..” and the list can never end, just look at the amount of jobs your mother are doing..

my point is, if any one of the future groom out there complains that the dowry is too expensive, look at the value of the dowry if you’re to convert it into any one of the consumers’ goods (gadgets may be)..and most of the goods you can purchase with that exact same value could only last for one or two years, but hey, you’re landing yourself a wife here man, for your lifetime..could any of your goods lasts that long..?well true, women would wear out too after one or two years..the assets would start to sag, the beauty would fade, the shape would look so wrong..but dude, you make her into that dude, it’s your bare hands, it’s your weight, it’s your baby she gives birth to, it’s all the chores you choose NOT to do because “i am the man, those are NOT my jobs..”

i’m sorry i’m being a bit radical and harsh here but i want to get my point through..some men would go like “i have given you such and such dowries and i’ve spent so much on you so now, you do as what i say, i am the boss, you can never oppose to what i say..” really, did you just equate your wedding to a commodity..?something that you can USE..?how much did you think you just paid..?should those be enough to every single thing she does for you..?

what did you do in return for her..?oh, please her sexually, and financially..oh, is that all..?have you ever wondered how much sex a woman would need..?or how much money would she need..?not much gentleman..scientifically they need emotional support more than everything else..and money or sexual pursuits can never pay for those..and she can never ask so much of emotional supports from you because she’s super busy with her works, with her sexual duties to you, with her parental roles to your children, with her womenhood roles in the households..she’s never paid just, gentlemen..

i sound like the groom has little to no responsibilities here, yes..?i purposefully do that..it’s a challenge to take up gentlemen..and see where you put yourself when you reach that stage soon..

i just don’t get it..men a born superior to women biologically..but why in a marriage, women look like they’re the anchors of the family..?she gives everything to the family and devote her lifetime for a 24-hour service, yet if the husband cheats on her, she’ll still take the blame for not being able to take care of the husband..for not being able to take care of herself to please her husband..and most of the time, she has to feel insecure with whatever changes happening to her body, worrying the husband might find a substitute for her..how unfair..

dear young gentlemen, before committing yourself to a marriage, think about it through and through – would you be able to give justice to your marriage..?to your wife..?

to me personally, wedding is itself a cultural product..if it’s in islam, a dowry is not compulsory..but in the malay culture, a dowry would be used to pay for the cost of the receptions – usually..but to those who are well off, the dowry is a gift, the reception’s cost is born as a separate cost..either way, by practising this custom, it kind of give ways to the men to believe that they’ve PURCHASED the women and they could do whatever they wish to them..it’s a simplistic point of view here, but yes, some men think of it this way..how embarrassing..

please gentlemen, prove me i’m wrong..it’s more than being appreciative and responsible..it’s about being a man, gather some balls for that can you..?


of that brain theory..


don’t you just hate it when it’s so sunny yet the wind is howling like a mad witch that you just can’t enjoy the outdoor walks..?and yea, you’re only left with the warmth of your duvet 😦 LOL how ungrateful i was 😛

nevermind my preposterous TALE up there, let me make this post useful instead, shall i..?

has it ever occur to you, how automatic your senses are..?i mean all 5 of them..your vision, smell, taste, sound and touches..here’s what i mean..boil a water, and when it’s at its 100 degree, put your finger on the kettle..would you lift your fingers immediately or would you process “oh this is too hot..my skin can’t handle it and thus i should lift my fingers” in your head and after finishing that thought, then you lift your fingers..yes, you don’t process it that slowly..it’s automatic you’d immediately remove your fingers from that kettle..

here’s another example..you’re trying to read a novel in a train and suddenly the person behind you answers a phone call and speak loudly that everyone in the coach could hear him..could you avoid from listening..?well yes you can plug in your earphone or ear plugs but let’s just say you can’t plug anything into your ears, could you refrain yourself from understanding the conversation and pay attention to it if it’s in your native language..?exactly, you just can’t..it’s automatic..

want another example..?blind fold your eyes, and have someone to put peppers in your mouth..you’d know it’s pepper wouldn’t you..you see, we’re all automatic beings and whatever interactions happening between your senses and your brain – they are like magic! it’s even quicker than any of your smartphone’s processors..

it’s not something we don’t know – that our sensors and brain work in a smaller timely unit we don’t even know how to count that slowly..but are we not amazed still now..?with our brain’s capabilities..?

they even make theories out of these special capabilities of our brain and what i’ve just told you, is part of the mental architecture – theory of modularity..there’s another part of the theory but let’s just not get you so much into linguistics complexities shall we..? 🙂

the exact same chart we used in the lecture today but don’t worry i saved all the other details..it’s here just so it’s not plain, boring text..






of that holy land..

i just watched adam & hawa episode 23 & 24..i didn’t really care what happened between the two of them, but these episodes were shot in the holy land and there were scenes on jabal ar-rahmah, safa wal marwa, the quba mosque, masjid an-nabawi and of course masjid al haram..

forget however the storyline was..i was so mesmerized as they entered masjid an-nabawi..i cried with them as i’m deeply saddened that i was not there, and i really miss that place, missing the place where hijrah took place..the place where our prophet pbuh used to live..and upon seeing them entering the masjid al-haram, i was humbled and i felt so small that i was not one of them, not among the guests of The Creator who are able to devote their time and beings to purify the sinned selves..

it was such an emotional moment..Godwillingly, i’ll be there someday..


of unsupportive aids..

I couldn’t really sleep last night after the long reading..served me right, i purposely delayed completing the task so i raced with time..but i finally slept last night, i just dozed off..

i had a dream i couldn’t remember what i was dreaming but i knew i was dreaming and i think i decided to wake from the dream and as i woke up i felt a strong, one-shot pain on my right stomach..and it’s near fajr so i decided to just wake up at that instant..

i was scared thinking of all the possibilities..living here alone, in a secured hall, not knowing who to call in case of emergencies, everything came crossing my head..i got up, just so i’ll be conscious if the pain is to strike again..i was sleepy, tried to sleep, but i was just too scared if it were to attack again..so i was certain from until i finished my prayer until i got up for shower at 8:45, i was half asleep throughout..

and i get so sleepy tonight, as early as 10..but i’m writing this just because i don’t want the pain to strike when i was sleeping..ya Allah, i hate this feeling and while i’m writing this, i can feel the pain lingering around my abdomen and plank..i went to the practitioner earlier and i couldn’t get any appointment until thursday..i really wish there’s nothing going on with me..i hate it when medical supports are hardly accessible.. 😦